Do You Care About Injustice?

Today at my old college there was a protest over a professor getting fired after he was accused of sexual assault. They don’t believe the girl who reported him – but why is this what these students care about. This an only this. I don’t even know if this man is or isn’t guilty – but what I do know is that the college ignored injustice for years. So why now?

Where were these protests when I was dismissed from the college after reporting a sexual assault? Where were these protests when the boy was found not guilty even though he admitted it and I had proof? Where were these protests when the boy was allowed to stay on campus if he wrote a paper on the sanctity of marriage. Where were the protests when a serial rapist was allowed to graduate? Where were the protests when administration stayed silent?

Where were these protests when this college refused to take our sexual assaults seriously. 

Is it just because you cared more for this professor than you did for any of the students? Because you don’t care about assault survivors? 

Bethany 

Snow is Glistening, a Beautiful Sight, but I am NOT Happy Tonight

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I should love winter. I work at a ski resort and I love to ski and snowboard. Snow is my favorite thing other than Christmas trees

But my winter is filled with horrible memories of every single one of my abusive exes.. I’m reminded of our good times and our bad. I’m reminded of being raped and sexually assaulted.

I fucking hate winter.

Let Us Be Heard

After reading conversations on facebook all day I’ve got a lot of thoughts.. so here goes.

Whether or not you believe Trump was the right choice – it needs to be known that people are crying. People are afraid. People feel devalued. People feel unheard.

I stayed up last night on a video chat with people. I watched them cry for hours as I and others there cried too. Sobbing at certain points. Looking at how many people voted for this man. My friends are terrified to go to school. Terrified to wear their Hijabs. Terrified to walk in public with their significant others. Do you know how many times I heard in the past day “I guess I’m staying in the closet for another 4 years.” Suicide notes have shown up online from several different communities, especially the LGBTQ+ community.

Because to many of us, it told us they didn’t care. They didn’t care about those of us who were sexually assaulted. They didn’t care about those of us who were women. They didn’t care about those of us who were in the LGBTQ+ community. They didn’t care for people of color. They didn’t care for anyone who wasn’t a Christian. This is how many of us see it. Whether or not that’s how it is, we can disagree, but it can’t be changed that many of us see it that way.

Because we said something. We spoke up and said hey, we are terrified for our LIVES.

People are afraid for their rights and for their lives. Trump holds the presidency while Republicans hold the rest of the government. So how much will he actually be stopped when he makes a stupid idea? After Brexit the hate crimes spiked over 41% as a result of that vote. People are terrified that will happen again here in the US. Sociology has told us that Trump’s mentality and the one he encourages in his supporters, is the mentality for race-based hate crimes.

So while we were worried that hate crimes would rise, that rights would be taken away, and the chance of putting more rapists behind bars would lower… We spoke up. And we weren’t heard. Because we said, hey, we’re scared for our lives, and everyone else said hey, that’s okay we care about other things more.

You can absolutely disagree and say we have no justified reason to fear for our lives – but know that right now, a large portion of people are fearing for their lives…and that alone is scary. People shouldn’t be afraid for their lives when a new president get’s elected. Maybe that’s naive, but I believe something here is wrong. What that is and why that is, we can have our opinions on. But something is wrong and we need to have empathy and understanding.

Please don’t write this off as people being bad sports.Please don’t ignore or write off people’s outrage and fear. We aren’t just upset – we’re scared. This country needs a lot of things right now. We need prayer, we need empathy, we need understanding, and we need unity.

Bethany

Pro-Life/Pro-Choice Poll

https://goo.gl/forms/EurtrARowtkudbnx1

A poll for people who are pro-life, pro-choice, and undecided on the matter. Just to see different people’s thoughts and opinions!

Hey guys! So I created a poll just because I wanted to see different people’s responses. I also wanted to know how many people switched from being pro-life to pro-choice and vice versa and their reasoning for doing so!

I have an idea for a paper to write on this.

Sooo you should check it out, it’s pretty quick! :)

Bethany

Tuesday Truth

It didn’t hit me until today that I’ve been super shitty. Almost two years ago I was sexually assaulted by someone at college. He was my boyfriend for awhile. Last year I reported him for sexual assault.

But I forgot. I didn’t realize. There was a couple other girls who he assaulted but only one other who would go forward.

And I’m shitty because I forgot it had an impact on her. All I could think about was how having two of us might get me justice. That’s so disgusting. He sexually assaulted her too. I only thought of myself although the reason I went forward was because I heard about the multiple other girls.

But during it all…and after the fact…I forgot she was feeling how I felt. I forgot she was also let down by the justice system because he faced no charges. I forgot she was also let down by our college because they found him not guilty even when there was proof and admission from him.

And I think that’s the worst thing I’ve ever done. I feel so so shitty..and I’ve apologized to her and she’s fine with it but I feel like so much shit right now.

I think I almost feel worse than I did after I realized he assaulted me. Because how could I ignore and invalidate another survivor. I’ve been through this before so I know what it’s like, so how could I do that to someone else. How could i be so selfish…I could have done so much more…and I didn’t.

The Truth of the Monster

I thought I had found the man, third time’s the charm right?

You looked at me with something in your eyes – something other than lust.

Wanting something more than domination, manipulation, and control.

But you ripped me apart, leaving a bloody mess.

 

I became yours for the taking – I felt dirty.

You never asked for consent and you didn’t stop when I said no.

Only physical force saved me – my physical force.

Once again I was violated by a man who wanted to be a pastor.

 

I blamed myself for every girl after me – every one who you hurt next.

But I wouldn’t let the monster of what you did escape from my lips.

I wouldn’t let the bile rise up – I swallowed it down.

I prayed that the others are fine and that no more will be hurt.

 

I justified what you did to me and to them.

Over and over I justified the things you did.

But then some days my head is clear from your grasp.

And I know – I know that what you did can’t be justified.

 

So one day my mind was crystal clear.

And I made my choice in that clarity.

Phone calls were made and cars were borrowed.

A long night in the police station after hours.

 

So I told – I opened my mouth and the monster came out.

The dark mess came out slowly, then all at once, like bile I couldn’t keep down.

I told the police but I didn’t want charges.

I wanted a record for those after me, for those who might come.

 

But then I went back and I told home – our home – yours and mine.

Because even there I needed there to be a something for those to come after me.

I knew there were some to come – I was the frontrunner.

I was the trailblazer for those hurt by you.

 

I told and the monster came out in our home.

Bile rising up – tears pouring out.

I spoke those words you begged me not to.

The truth burned out – I don’t know if even I could have stopped them.

 

In the end even you – even you admitted it.

No punishments happened to you, not a single one.

And I was the one who received the backlash.

Maybe that was the truth of the monster.

Bethany