I Miss…

I  miss my old school. I miss being happy. I miss things being easier. I miss not being exhausted all the time. I miss the time before this hurt. I miss my old life. I miss my old friendships. I miss being okay. I miss it all.

I feel like my heart is breaking and it’s not even over a person.


Exhaustion Exhaustion

I have 4 minutes to get this in. I’m really trying to post one a day. Oh dear lanta.

Okay, what happened today… I went to the dentist.. had no cavities, they said some of my issues could have been from PCOS so that’s fun.

Argued with my manager..kind of..we didn’t really argue but we were both definitely annoyed with each other. No bueno. Nopedy nope. But my mother did agree with me so that’s cool…

Ummm I wrote a fun and personal paper which is why I’m up so late. Are you supposed to mention your depression in your papers? Oh well. I am kind of happy today though because I finally got a hoop for my nose piercing and it doesn’t look horrible.

Oh yes, and my tummy..still so funny :(


I’m Burning From The Inside Out

Well, today I had a CT scan and I don’t believe I’ve ever had IV contrast before. 
They made me drink super gross stuff (featured above.) It was quite awful actually. I had to drink all of it before the scan and I could hardly even sip it without puking but I got it done. 

Then we went to get my scan. Don’t know why I didn’t realize id actually be getting an IV put in but yeah. Needles freak me out. I don’t know if I’ve had an IV since I was older? But that was interesting. Then for the scan. Meh, that was fine except my IV kept moving around. THEN CAME THE BAD PART. THEY ACTUALLY INJECTED ME WITH THE CONTRAST. It burned going in. Then when they put me back through the scanner is when it really started. I started getting hot flashes from the head down. 

My whole body was warm and tingly and I felt like I was burning up from the inside out. Worst part though? It totally makes you feel like you’re peeing your pants.

For the record I didn’t pee my pants. 

But anyways that was interesting experience I never want to relive. 

Especially as now my whole arm is sore. Blech. Now, time for bed. Oh lanta. 



Had a decently big fight today with my mom because of how she reacted to me telling her about my topic for a paper..and she apologized a couple hours later? Like she never does that? Holy crap???

I still have to respond because she sent it in a text, and either way I’m still hurt because I know her reaction was that of her true feelings so that sucks..

But yeah, today was weird and full of interesting surprises and turns. In other news my stomach still is trying to kill me.


Sometimes We Don’t Bend; We Break

I’m reaching my limit pretty quickly. My mother seriously has been trying to antagonize me, responding to me telling her that I think how she treated me was wrong with the text of “lol.” Seriously, are you twelve?

Or just generally treating me like crap all the time. I’m honestly just so sick of it. I’m about to break. Snap. Boom.

On top of that this medicine thing is starting to get to me. I’ve been up late every night with a stomach ache to the point of almost crying so I’m extra irritable. I’d rather not break any time soon.

I need sleep. I need to calm down. I just want things to be better.