Snow is Glistening, a Beautiful Sight, but I am NOT Happy Tonight


I should love winter. I work at a ski resort and I love to ski and snowboard. Snow is my favorite thing other than Christmas trees

But my winter is filled with horrible memories of every single one of my abusive exes.. I’m reminded of our good times and our bad. I’m reminded of being raped and sexually assaulted.

I fucking hate winter.

Honesty time, I’m terrified that I will never love anyone as much as I loved my last ex. The ex who was emotionally abusive and sexually assaulted me. Our relationship WAS good during most of it. He treated me the best…
And I’m terrified that I will love this horrible person forever.

I Miss…

I  miss my old school. I miss being happy. I miss things being easier. I miss not being exhausted all the time. I miss the time before this hurt. I miss my old life. I miss my old friendships. I miss being okay. I miss it all.

I feel like my heart is breaking and it’s not even over a person.