I should love winter. I work at a ski resort and I love to ski and snowboard. Snow is my favorite thing other than Christmas trees
But my winter is filled with horrible memories of every single one of my abusive exes.. I’m reminded of our good times and our bad. I’m reminded of being raped and sexually assaulted.
I fucking hate winter.
I was always worried I would be like my parents.
My intersectional feminism has forced me to learn to apologize and admit when I’m wrong.
At least there’s one way I won’t be like them.
Honesty time, I’m terrified that I will never love anyone as much as I loved my last ex. The ex who was emotionally abusive and sexually assaulted me. Our relationship WAS good during most of it. He treated me the best…
And I’m terrified that I will love this horrible person forever.
Today I think it started. I feel like I’m being torn from the inside up. 8 months and now my pain is back worse than ever.
Dear lord, why am I trying to make myself have periods again?
I miss my old school. I miss being happy. I miss things being easier. I miss not being exhausted all the time. I miss the time before this hurt. I miss my old life. I miss my old friendships. I miss being okay. I miss it all.
I feel like my heart is breaking and it’s not even over a person.
This is really just how my day went today. I have no other words. The picture suffices. Too tired. Too brain dead. Time to sleep.