To Starting, To Ending – To Living, To Dying

Honestly I think it’s been awhile since I just sat down and wrote about my life and my day. I don’t really write posts anymore that are like that. I think I might start again though.

I want to document what happens with me because I feel  like maybe that will help me for a little while. I want to see the changes in my mind and my body. I want to be able to talk about my struggles and triumphs. I feel sort of silly doing this because maybe this isn’t so bad, but it’s a change nonetheless.

Yesterday I was diagnosed with PCOS.  I found out that I have insulin resistance which is most likely why I’ve gained so much weight the past few years even when I’ve been pretty active.

I’m not sure how I feel. I’m freaked out but yet I feel silly about it. I just worry so much. They told me that I will most likely end up with diabetes it’s just a matter of when – so I have to start preventing it now.

I don’t like the idea of taking medication. After my experiences with it, it really freaks me out. But I have to. I have to take medication that the prescribe to diabetics. Maybe this will fix my PCOS, but I’m going to have to take this for the rest of my life.

So I start with Metformin today. We’ll see how that goes. I hear it’s not too nice on weak stomachs which I definitely have, but I did hear I might lose some weight or stop gaining at least which is great. I guess I just miss being a kid where I didn’t care about what was in my food or how much this or that. Because I didn’t have to. I was extremely skinny. I’m glad I caught this earlier, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have a lot of emotions and that this isn’t a big change.

So, here goes to my new life I guess.

Bethany

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