It didn’t hit me until today that I’ve been super shitty. Almost two years ago I was sexually assaulted by someone at college. He was my boyfriend for awhile. Last year I reported him for sexual assault.
But I forgot. I didn’t realize. There was a couple other girls who he assaulted but only one other who would go forward.
And I’m shitty because I forgot it had an impact on her. All I could think about was how having two of us might get me justice. That’s so disgusting. He sexually assaulted her too. I only thought of myself although the reason I went forward was because I heard about the multiple other girls.
But during it all…and after the fact…I forgot she was feeling how I felt. I forgot she was also let down by the justice system because he faced no charges. I forgot she was also let down by our college because they found him not guilty even when there was proof and admission from him.
And I think that’s the worst thing I’ve ever done. I feel so so shitty..and I’ve apologized to her and she’s fine with it but I feel like so much shit right now.
I think I almost feel worse than I did after I realized he assaulted me. Because how could I ignore and invalidate another survivor. I’ve been through this before so I know what it’s like, so how could I do that to someone else. How could i be so selfish…I could have done so much more…and I didn’t.