Victim Blaming

For everyone who can’t seem to understand what victim blaming is, here are some examples of ‘real life’ incidents. Victim Blaming Scenario One You’ve been studying for a big test, and you know you’re gonna do well.  You go into class, sit down, get out your pen or pencil and the teacher hands out the […]



Today my rapist is to be married. Today the world comes crashing down. Today he wins. Today he beats me.

Marriage is something I’ve always wanted. I want that sort of love. I want to wake up next to someone and Love without worrying if they think I’m overly attached. I want to love someone with everything I have and I want to be loved in return.

But somehow, somehow, my rapist is the one who is getting married first. Somehow he gets to be happy while I’m suffering and having flashbacks. He changed my life and I wasn’t even a wrinkle in his.



2 days until he is married. I cannot handle it. I want to puke. I want to cry. I want to hit something. 

I want to tell the world. 

But if I do he will see me as vindictive. I will be the crazy ex. He will think I’m trying to ruin the wedding. 

I kind of do want to ruin it. Why should he get marriage while I get depression and panic attacks?  While I get abusive relationships? Why? While I get sexually assaulted he gets happiness and no punishment. 

I hate my rapist today. 


Don’t Get Too Close: It’s Dark Inside


When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
Don’t get too close
It’s dark inside
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide

– Imagine Dragons

So my anger and pain finally caught up to me and I wrote “to” the guy who sexually assaulted me and who I tried to get justice against. I feel like a horrible person. I feel crazy. I feel ridiculous. But this is what’s inside. My pain and my horrid disgusting inability to forgive. My problem with playing victim. My demons. So here they are; no more hiding.

Letters to Carson: Day 1 through Day 40