A Letter to Alex: The Man Who Stepped In

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Dear Alex,

Crazy crazy Alex whom my heart adores. The funny thing is, I really had never talked to you until the one day I mentioned I was having a hard time with the people who I sat with at lunch. You knew I was the new girl, so I didn’t know many people. You took that opportunity to take me under your wing.

Alex, you became the brother I wished I had. Sure, I had an older brother, but you were protective and caring of me. You never liked me, but you loved me all the same. You still take the time to check up on me.

Alex, I love and adore you for being who you are. We really weren’t around each other for more than a few months, but you made the biggest (positive) impact on me while I was in your High School for that one year.

You stepped in when I needed someone the most. You taught me to be strong and beautiful without a guy.

Thank you Alex,

Bethany

The Thing I Wanted to Scream

A couple weeks ago I was told by a guy that it was irrational for me to be afraid of being raped. He told me the chances if it happening are very slim. 

Oh how I wanted to scream at him that by definition, I have been raped. 

But instead I shut my mouth, and let him continue. 

Because what can I do to change this worlds thinking? If I told him, he’d say I was just looking for pity. He’d think I was lying because I didn’t speak up until now. He’d tell me it was my fault.

Don’t ever tell me victim blaming isn’t a thing. 

Bethany 

Anxiety: No Fight, only Flight

Palms sweaty, arms shaking. Brain blank and tunnel vision beginning. Heart racing, breath quickening. Limbs freezing and stomach feeling naseous. 

This is what it’s like to be me every day. Every day I always get an anxiety attack, and almost alway shave a panic attack. There’s no reasoning behind them; no trigger and nothing I can do.

The fight and fire leave me. I’m strong and passionate. I don’t have fear. Until this that is, then there’s no fight. All I can do. I’m falling deeper and deeper.

It’s not a question between fight or flight; there’s only one choice: flight.

Bethany

These Lies I Believe and the Swords I Pierce Them With

My head and heart of full of them. Full of lies and disgustingly false things. Lies. 

You’re ugly

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful. I know that full well.” Psalm 139:13-14

You’ll end up alone

“Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.” Psalm 139:7-10

No one loves you

“We love because he first loved us.” 1 John 5:19

Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love youI will give people in exchange for you, nations in exchange for your life.” Isaiah 43:4

You’re a failure

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

You can’t do anything

“I can do everything through him who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:13

You’re pathetic

“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Ephesians 2:10

God has abandoned you

“God has said: Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5

You’ve sinned so many times, this one thing won’t matter

“Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it-he will be blessed in what he does.” James 1:22-25

“What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him?” James 2:14

Your body is worthless

“Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.” Luke 12:7

God isn’t with you

“Then you will call, and the Lord will answer; you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.” Isaiah 58:9

That little mistake has destroyed everything

“Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.” Isaiah 1:18

You will never be good enough

“Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1:6

Your fear will overcome you

“So we say in confidence, The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?” Hebrews 13:6

“Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things.” Philippians 4:8

Bethany

Things Peter Pan Taught Me

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· That growing up doesn’t always mean growing old ·

Everyone always thinks that as you grow older you have to be more serious, lose all your childhood dreams and your sense of adventure. But Peter Pan taught me that just because your older, doesn’t mean you can’t still have fun.

· Everyone needs adventure in their life ·

Even the most serious people in the world need to have a little adventure sometimes. Even captain hook, who I personally think is the grouchiest old man, wanted some adventure in his life.

· Love isn’t just something grown ups feel ·

Peter Pan, though young, loved Wendy. I think people underestimate love and think that because someone is young they don’t know what it is. I think they’re wrong. Love is love, no matter how old you are.

· That sometimes you have to let the things you love most go ·

Peter let Wendy go home, even though he easily could’ve told her he didn’t have a way to. Sometimes we have to let the things we love go, no matter how hard it is, because in the end it’s for the better.

· Sometimes your family isn’t just the people related to you ·

Peter and the lost boys were family though none were related. Sometimes are family isn’t our blood relatives, but the people we couldn’t live without.

· That if you believe enough, Your dreams can come true ·

People often give up on their dreams because they don’t believe in themselves, but Peter Pan taught me that dreams can only come true if you believe in them.

· To fight, even when you’re scared ·

Fighting for what you believe in can be hard and sometimes frightening. What happens if you fail? Or if people end up hating you for it? Peter taught me to fight anyway, because it’s the right thing to do.

~ Emerald

Missing You

You made the world a better place

And now that you’re gone it’s dreary day

But I have to go on anyway

But I will always be missing you, oh

Always be missing you, oh

Missing you

You were the sunshine on a cloudy day

You were the rainbow after the rain

You were the smile on a sad face

You made me happier every day

Now that you’re gone

My world is a sadder place

But I will remember you’re smiling face

I will go on missing you

You made the world a better place

And now that you’re gone it’s a dreary day

But I have to go on anyway

But I will always be missing you, oh

Always be missing you, oh

Missing you

You made me believe in fairy tales

Happy endings and wedding bells

You made the world a better place

But now that you’re gone it’s a dreary day

But I have to go on anyway

But I will always be missing you, oh

Always be missing you, oh

Missing you

You were my sunshine on cloudy day

You were my rainbow after the rain

I will always remember you’re smiling face

I will always be missing you

~ Emerald

A Letter To Emily: the Girl Who Inspired Me in Five Days

Dear Emily,

So I really just wanted to tell you this, and I feel like God has been putting it on my heart, and your last post definitely confirmed it. So here it goes. Emily, I just wanted you to know that this weekend, you definitely were an inspiration. I had no idea what was going on in your life, just that it might have taken a turn for the worst.

I only knew this because of a few things you said, but not in how you acted. What I saw this weekend was a girl driven by God who had completely changed her life around. I want to say that even if I don’t take this job, God meant for me to go on this trip and meet you. You have no idea the influence you had on me. The past few years I’ve started to abandon my faith. I got into drugs, alcohol, and sex. I turned a blind eye because I didn’t think I could go back. I became suicidal, and was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. I started cutting and just had an overwhelming feeling of worthlessness. 

I recently started the process of turning my life around, but meeting you has inspired me and showed me that I’m not alone and that I can do this. I really just wanted to let you know, that Emily, God is using you in amazing ways already and you may not even see it. You have absolutely no idea how much confidence you put inside me. God meant for me to meet you, and I just wanted to let you know. So hey, it might be sappy and confusing, but I love you, and thank you. Thank you so much for bursting with light like you did this week.

With love, and admiration,

Bethany

A Letter To Luke: My Brother Who Has Heart of Gold and is My Greatest Treasure

Dear Luke,

I wish I could find a way to tell you everything I’ve been thinking about you recently. I’ve tried, but the words just don’t come. Luke, you are ten years old, and you haven’t had an easy life. Yet you have a heart so kind I cannot even fathom. 

You have no idea how protective I am of you. Yeah, sometimes I find you annoying. But never is anyone ever allowed to call you that. No one is ever allowed to insult you. You know why? Because they could never amount to be half as good as you. 

Luke, one day you will make someone a perfect husband. You already are a perfect brother. We fight, we argue, but I hope you know how much I brag about my littl red headed leprechaun. Do you know I love and adore you?

I know how big your heart is. You care for creatures and people. You cry when you see I’m hurt. You feel others pain. You try to be as kind and as excepting as possible to everyone. You get bullied every day at school, yet you are still so kind. Do you know the strength it takes? 

I love everything about you. I love your smile that you’re so shy of. I love how you don’t boast or brag. I love how you adore to cuddle and help. I love how I’ll walk out of my room and you will call me beautiful. I love how you enjoy talking to random people. I love how you are not ashamed of who you are. I love how intelligent you are. I love how you are a peacemaker. I love how you are selfless. I love how you make sure everyone else is happy. I love how you love God.

You’ve had a tough life, I know that. But honey, that’s made you so special. I miss you everyday at college. Maybe you wonder why I get so worked up about someone insulting you. It’s because I never want your beautiful light to dim. You are so happy and cheerful; you look for the best. I never want you to hate yourself or become depressed. You give me hope. You have no idea how much your very being comforts me. Sometimes when I’m sad, I find myself wanting to cuddle you. You hold me and love me. Shouldn’t it be the other way around?

God will do amazing things with you Luke. 

I love you with all my heart,

Bethany