I don’t understand

Why can’t anyone see me as I really am? That just because I act tough and I respond with sarcastic remarks doesn’t mean I don’t have feelings or that I don’t get hurt by what people say. I do. I do get hurt, I do have feelings. Sometimes all I want to do is cry, but I can’t always let myself. I was always taught not to cry, not to let people see your pain. But just because I don’t show it doesn’t mean I don’t feel it. I do feel it. All the time. I wish people could see that I do care about others, that I care about if someone’s hurt, that just because I tell them to deal with the pain when no one is around doesn’t mean I don’t care, it means I’m trying to help them, show them they don’t have to appear weak to those who try and hurt them. I’m not mean, I’m not always tough, sometimes I break. Like right now, Right now I can barely get these words out because I can’t really see the computer screen, because I’m crying, because I’m finally letting myself feel the pain of what they’re saying about me. But they’ll never see this, they’ll never see me for who I really am and I don’t know why. I don’t know why I always have to be the strong one, the one that doesn’t feel, because I feel. I feel a lot. Why can’t they see that? 

Emerald

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