“Don’t wake me up, Don’t wake me..”

Migraines, Panic attacks, Insomnia, Nightmares.. I’m starting to feel like my life is slowly but steadily falling apart. I can’t go more than a day without getting a migraine, I keep getting panic attacks that can last more than a few minutes, I can hardly sleep anymore and when I actually do sleep it’s never restful. I get nightmares, terrible ones, and I wake up restless and irritable. So my question is why? What’s going on with me that all of this is happening? Part of me wants to know why this is happening. The other part doesn’t want to know. Is scared to know. What if it’s something bad? What if it’s something that will only make my life that much more chaotic and scary? I’ve tried to ignore it all, tell myself it’s nothing, but it’s beginning to feel more and more like it’s a lot more than nothing. So what am I supposed to do? Just live with it? That seems like the only choice that saves me from thinking I’m crazy. Am I crazy? I don’t think so. It’s not like I want to go out killing people.. I just want it all to stop! But how? Will it stop on it’s own? What if it doesn’t? What do I do then? Do I tell someone? Do I go to try and get help? I’d rather just live with it.. But what if living with it becomes more and more unbearable? What then? I just want answers. I just want to know why this is happening.

~ Emerald

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