All I want is to be happy.

“I gotta find my place, I wanna hear my sound
Don’t care about all the pain in front of me,
Cause i’m just trying to be happy,
Just wanna be happy.”

My whole life I’ve wanted one thing. To be happy. To wake up in the morning and smile because it’s a new day, because I’m truly happy to be alive another day. To go out with friends and truly laugh at their jokes. To smile at a stranger and mean it. I’ve only ever wanted to feel that overwhelming feeling that comes with happiness. The feeling that makes you all giggly and bubbly. The feeling that everything in the world is fine, even if it isn’t. To some people this seems redundant. Who cares right? Well I care. Because I’ve only had that feeling a few times in my life. Briefly. It never lasts though. See, unless you know my story this probably doesn’t make much sense. But you see, I never had much of a chance to feel happy as a kid. I grew up years before I should of had to. Years before any other kid my age had to. See I didn’t have the chance to have the silly and fun childhood everyone else did. Most of my childhood I stayed locked up in my room, praying for an escape of some sort. Praying for the day I’d finally be able to leave it all behind. I won’t get into why, see that’s not something I like to share, but the point is. To you, the average person, you’ve probably had your fair share of happiness. Whereas, I, have not. I want that. I want to wake up happy, fall asleep happy, just be plain happy. I know that happiness can’t last forever. There’ll still be times when I just want to cry, times of pain, but the point isn’t having happiness the rest of my life. It’s just having it for a moment, a split second where I have no fear, no pain, no memories of my past. A moment when I’m just having a good time, where I’m free from it all. I don’t need a lifetime of happiness. Just a second. Just a second of happiness to relieve me of the pain. That’s all I want. All I want.. Is to be happy.

~ Emerald

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