Ramblings and Confusions

Today I just want to ramble.

I’m sitting around. I’m waiting for you. Probably ridiculously stupid…right?

Here’s the thing, if you were waiting around for me, or any other guy for that matter, it would be considered sweet. I’m a girl though, so when I sit around and wait, it’s considered pathetic.

I’m not.

I’m not pathetic or weak. I’m not crazy or unstable. I’m not stupid or ugly. I’m not worthless or desperate.

Let me explain to you why I’m not any of those things.

First of all, I’m not pathetic because I’m driven. I have a purpose to my life. I’m not pathetic nor am I weak. I’m stronger than you think. I’ve been through so much more than you can ever imagine. I’m still here aren’t I? I’m still smiling and helping people. I’m not crazy, I have emotions that you don’t understand. I’m not unstable, I’m just hurt because you drag me in circles and play with my feelings. However I’m not unstable, I know exactly what I’m doing and why. I have every reason to. I’m stupid? Say that again to my 100 averages. Say that again when you see me graduating highschool at sixteen. I dare you. Me being ugly? Sorry that I look different. Different isn’t bad. I’m proud of how I look. I may not always like it, but no girl does. Do you know how many comments I get on my “natural beauty?” Just because you don’t like how I look, doesn’t mean that I’m ugly. I’m not worthless, nor should I be worthless to you. I’ve done so much for you. Who helped you whenever you needed it? Me. I’d love to see where you’d be in your life without me. You call me desperate? No. I’m a girl who has feelings for someone. That’s different. If I were “desperate” for a guy, I would chase after every guy that came along. No, I’d much prefer that I’m dedicated. I’m not a lost little puppy dog. I’m fiery and I stand up for myself.

I’m still waiting for you though.

Everyone thinks you have feelings for me…Even I myself think you have feelings for me.. I just don’t want to sound delusional or anything.

But you do care about me. Even when you say you don’t. I know you, and I know you care.

You still yell at people who put me down. You still keep me away from any scumbag people. You keep me out of bad situations. You still comfort me when I’m upset. You still linger to make sure I’m okay, even when I say you can go and have fun. You still look at me the way that you don’t look at other people. Your touch is still caring.

I know you better than anyone else. So don’t say you don’t care when you do. I know you.

I know your smile. I can tell when you’re faking. Your eyes say it all. I know your laugh. I know your walk. I know how you move. I know when you’re irritated and when you’re happy. I know when you’re upset and when you like someone. I know how you flirt. I know when its just your personality and when you truly are interested in someone. I know you. 

Can’t you just accept that I know you? I know your story, personality, mannerisms, and feelings.

Stop trying to force me to stop caring. It makes it worse. Just let it go away on its own.

Bethany

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