Stronger Than I
Lost, confused, and constrained,
restricted and chained down
They told me I couldn’t do it,
and said I wouldn’t make it
People have laughed,
they’ve scoffed, and mocked
People have ignored,
overlooked, and forgotten
I may be small,
but he is bigger than I
I may be weak,
but he is stronger than I
You think I’m doing this alone,
but I have someone on my side
You think I can’t do anything,
but with him I can do everything,
and with him, I will break free
Why? Why do people get sick? Why do they get sick and die? It’s not fair. It’s not fair to the family. It’s not fair to the person. It’s just not fair. And I don’t want to hear that crap that everything happens for a reason. This man.. He means the world to his family and now they’re losing him? How does that have a reason? How is that even right? He won’t see his son get married.. either of them. He won’t be there to support him at his soccer games, or graduation. He’ll miss some of the most important parts of his kids life. How is that fair? How can someone just be okay with this? Why? How can someone just.. get over that? How could you look at your kids and tell them daddy won’t be around much longer, even if they knew he was sick? How could you handle that? How could you.. Not break? Not be angry? Not wonder how anything like this is right, fair.. sane.. It’s just. It’s just not fair. Not to anyone.
Well tomorrow is my birthday. I never really paid much attention to birthdays. My birthday was just a day marking another year older, nothing more nothing less. But I noticed something this year. The closer and closer my birthday got the more people asked the question, “What do you want for your birthday?” My answer was always simple. I would say I didn’t need anything, because I don’t. But the more people asked that question the more it got me thinking. What do I want? If I could have anything, what would I want? I didn’t know the answer until tonight. The night before my birthday. I’d want you. It’s really that simple. I don’t want anything else for my birthday.. but you. I don’t want shoes, or clothes, or some fancy jewelry. None of that really matters in the end if you think about it. What matters is your family, your friends, the person you love. All I want for my birthday is to know that someone loves me. That you love me.
I want you..
I can’t breathe. I can’t think. I just can’t.
Why is it always me? I always walk into the room at that scene. I can’t help but let me break me. I don’t know why it hurts. I’ve never been raped. I don’t know anyone who has… But that scene… it sends me back to my weaker state.
Why? Why? Why? Why?
Make it stop.
I see it, and everything just stops. I can hear every scream. I can close my eyes, but I can still hear it. I can walk away, but it doesn’t stop it from echoing in my mind. I can’t erase the pictures. I can’t stop these images.
“Some things you can’t go back to,
some things need left alone,
Don’t mess with the memories of a life passed on..”
I thought that no matter what.. You’d be the one person I’d always have. We were so alike. I guess we still are. But there’s something different about you now. You’re purposely trying to get me.. hurt? No.. Maybe not hurt. But you’re trying to get me to hurt other people. You know I speak my mind. You know I don’t let people walk all over me. So you used that to make me think someone hated me, that someone was saying stuff about me, and yet when I asked them about it. They didn’t. I think we both know that I know a liar. Well this person didn’t lie. So tell me what you’re trying to do. I used to trust you more then anyone but now? Now I can barely look you in the eye. I’m lying to you, I’m acting around you. I never used to do that. So where do we go from here? I don’t think I can trust you ever again. Apparently this isn’t the first time you’ve done this. I’m seeing through you now. I wish you hadn’t done this.. I wish you weren’t doing this.
“Don’t mess with the memories of a life passed on..”