“Perhaps without the lows, The highs could not be reached..”
I never realized how true that was until now. How boring would life be if everything was just.. perfect? If everyone was perfect? If nothing ever went wrong? And if it did everyone just forgave you? How boring and annoying would everyone be? How would you ever really be an individual?
“No, she’d rather cut us than herself!”
Ouch. Every time I replay that in my head, it makes me sound even more selfish each time.
Is that really what you think of me? Haven’t you noticed?
I wanna be found. I’m trying, my closest friends know. They’re helping somewhat.
But I think I need you. I’m in my good phase now, I want it to end. I don’t wanna slip. I don’t want to fall.
There’s a light at each end of this tunnel,
You shout ’cause you’re just as far in as you’ll ever be out
And these mistakes you’ve made, you’ll just make them again
If you’d only try turning around.
I’ve been told I was dramatic. I’ve been told I was faking. I’ve been told it wasn’t real.
Some of my “friends” have mocked me for it. One of my ex’s told the entire town. He didn’t care when I told him. Only one of them did. Others just brushed it off. I don’t want attention, I just want someone to care.
I’m breathing but I’m dead,
This is for anyone who tried to bring me down. Successful of not.
I got the news today. It’s going to work. Finally.
I worked my butt off the last two years, and this is it. My final year. It’s gonna be hell.
But I’m doing it.
To anyone who has called me stupid, you’re wrong. I’m graduating high school at sixteen.
Honors courses, Japanese, Sign Language, and college classes. Yet I still came out on top.
Insult my intelligence, I dare you.
Go ahead, try to bring me down.
Because I’m accomplishing my goal.
But all these days,
they feel like they’re the same,
Just different faces,
Get me out of here..
Everywhere I look it all looks the same. The same people trying to tear me down, the same place keeping me trapped, the same rules telling me what do. When do I get to get out of here? When do I get to be happy? When? Don’t I deserve it? What did I do wrong? What should I have done differently?
Again, the false affection.
Again, we break down inside.
Love save the empty.
Love save the empty, and save me.
It has to be a certain kind of madness for me to still care about you.
Don’t you know you’re the start if it all?
You broke me down. You told me I was lucky to love you, that you allowed it.
How could I have been so stupid?
Don’t you know you mentally abused me? I almost wish it was physical. Maybe I wouldn’t feel so worthless. I could have fought back. I was almost as strong as you, I know self defense…
But I don’t know how to defend myself against words. Especially when made to think they’re true.
Ugly, weird, annoying, worthless, unfit. You hated my hair. You hated my stomach. My butt wasn’t good enough. My voice hurt your ears.
Why did I allow it to go on?
Oh yeah, because I loved you.
And now I’m empty.
Love save the empty.
Tell me again why I make these things? I don’t have anyone to make it for. Not anymore at least. Basically it’s a big mess. But it’s all how I feel